Growing up, my mother had an expression: “Fish rots from the head.” Basically, it means that when something stinks, look to the leadership.

And let’s face it; Etsy stinks. If I had to describe Etsy’s odor, I would say it’s a heady mix of delusion and exploitation, with just a hint of trying way too fucking hard. So where is this smell coming from?

This is Randy J. Hunt. Etsy’s Creative Director. I’m assuming the J. stands for “Jackfruit.”

This man is directly responsible for fueling the ukelele-playing, bourbon-sipping, tea-steeping, fixie-bike-seat-sniffing mustache-on-a-stick mania over at the International House of Cupcakes.

Just from looking at this photo, it’s clear that this is the style maker; the neckbeard from whence all blessings flow. There’s the heavily pomaded ironic hairstyle, the vintage eyeglass frames (they appear to have lenses in them, but let’s not ask for the moon when we have the stars) and the appearance of being lost in some kind of big idea, probably related to climate change or fair trade cocoa beans. But the real tip-off is the I have no idea I’m being photographed pose that every Etsy employee is doing in his or her official photo.

But how deep does this go? Are we talking about a visual style, or a much deeper sort of systemic pollution of the Etsy corporate culture? I mean let’s face it, any jackass can throw on a retro striped T-shirt and his Dad’s watch and look like they’re part of something you can’t begin to understand. But the real test is the interview.

So let’s take a look at a recent profile in Graphic Design USA, and see if old Jackfruit pulled this one off.

A fantastic start.

Etsy Haiku
By Randy Jackfruit

Etsy, oh Etsy,
The Chinese resellers
Bloom like peonies

It’s the factories, man, They are harshing my mellow.

Here’s the thing about J. Crew: They are actually a pretty good company. They don’t buy from suppliers that use child labor. They don’t patronize companies that discriminate. Their suppliers must pay a fair wage, and adhere to environmental standards.

So it’s not that they’re a bad company, it’s that they’re a big company. And as you know, large companies are inherently evil, which is why Etsy is staffed by Peace Corps volunteers, and operates out of a repurposed yurt on an organic collective.

You know, if factories are such a bummer on Etsy, maybe they should start with their own back yard.

– Read all about Randy here, because you’re dying to know his mantra